Who loves the rain?!

I DO! I DO! I cannot wait until it really starts raining. Yesterday was just a preview......ahhh!

Frustration

My grandmother (mom's mom) and I are not that close. She is a lovely woman, however she puts up with too much shit from my uncle. She is 79 years old raising two teen granddaughters because her son is too messed up on drugs to do anything with them as is their mom. She has undergone some serious health issues in the last 10 years. Stomach cancer, half of her stomach was removed and part of her intestine. Chemo therapy, numerous surgeries, chronic arthritis pain.... and raising two kids that do not appreciate her. Not many can stand by to watch. Its horrible.
Yesterday she went to the doctor because she is forgetting a lot, getting extremely bad headaches, and it lethargic. They found a lesion on her brain...they do not know much about it except how wide it looks, they are going to do a MRI to see how deep it is and if they need to do anything about it. One of the doctors said that it could be beginning stages of Alzheimer's or an aneurysm. It honestly breaks my heart to see her go through this and still have to come home to a house full of idiots. I do feel bad for my cousins, please don't get me wrong. They have been raised by my grandma since the oldest was a few months old. They only treat her the way they do because of my uncle. It still should not happen. She does everything she can for them.
Grrr.

Long time no news

Busy. Yep sums it up alright. I feel like I am in limbo. I don't know what to do. I hate *seriously dislike* the field site I am at and am wondering if I should change. It is such a hassle to apply and then go to an interview. I am a wreck at interviews. But on the flip side, I am miserable there. The drama is enough to make a sane woman crazy. Since no one ever said I was sane......it makes it even worse. I am irritated with so much it is not even funny.
So, blah!

Today

We fight
We argue about the dumbest things
We tease each other
We piss each other off on purpose
We know each other's greatest annoyances and use them to illustrate a point.
We can still look at each other and say "I love you, with all of my heart."
And actually mean it.

We had a stressful day yesterday, things were said, feelings hurt, emotions rampant, but at the end of it all we could laugh and say "What the hell are we doing?!" I can't help but look at my husband and fall in love all over again. He makes me happy. A word so simple can have such a huge meaning. I LOVE YOU ARMANDO.

Sickenss...

Why is it that every time I lay down my nose runs?!?! Madness.

Miracle

A miracle. This is probably the hardest topic to write about. I have started at least four times, four different interpretations of the word miracle. Not one seemed to echo the right feeling in me...then I realized, they were all about me. If a miracle would happen I would be rich, have a new house, be pregnant, never worry again...etc. Well, that's really not how I feel. If a miracle would happen or if I had the power to create/make a miracle happen I would want it worldwide.... to end, suffering, war, disease, pain, hopelessness... I would want everyone to benefit from my miracle. I am just a small blip on the map, who else would notice if the miracle only happened to me? What would your miracle be?

Today

Sleep eludes me. I'm tired and cranky and hot and all around just miserable. I feel like a zombie, I had a venti soy latte this morning with 5 shots of espresso which means absolutely nothing to me right now. Usually I can drink a regular latte in the morning and I'll be pretty good all day long. Not today... YAWN. I even went to bed at 9 o'clock last night!!! 9 o'clock, that's mighty early here in the grad school house! Waaaah.
I work and attend school in the valley, if you are not from California, the valley is pretty much an over sized oven in the summer. The air quality is horrible, it is in the 100s...blah. Have I ever stated that I love winter and can't wait until it gets cold???? Well, I'm waiting, I know one day soon I'll see people wearing tshirts with gloves and a scarf on.....huge snow boots with short skirts. Yep, that's how you know winter has arrived in California. Weirdos.